She was hardly 5, when she recognised some neighbours breaking through the entry door with machetes, taking an active role in one of the World’s most horrific genocide. Those men then forced her to watch her parents being slaughtered while they raped the child she was…

I was in shock to hear her story when we first met. There were emotions in her recollection and tears in her eyes, however, strength and determination quickly came back, as she declared: “But I decided that I owed to my murdered family to succeed in life and show those criminals that they had failed in their plan to break us down!” And, successful she became! Happily married, mother of a magnificent little girl and an acclaimed businesswoman, she forces respect with whomever she meets.

I used to dedicate parts of my revenues to young, promising people who sometimes needed a bit of luck in life. She managed to graduate from a prestigious engineering school, somewhere on the African continent and landed herself a humble, respectful job. Like the warrior she is, she was working long hours, convinced that her hard work would be recognised. One year after her debuts, her boss invited her to a two days conference in the capital. I remember her calling me with tears of joy in her voice… She was invited by her boss to  large conference into a luxury hotel… Finally her dedication had paid back and was being recognised… Do I need to say more about what happened when she discovered there was only one room for both of them? It should earn the perpetrator a few years in jail and the immediate loss of his job… Unfortunately she is a humble and young woman, confronted to a misogynistic, fear-driven corporate culture and had no chances to prevail. She would be the guilty one and he would play the victim. I tried my best to console and support her through a long call, but the damage was done. Two weeks later, I was astonished to see her share on her WhatsApp profile, short clips of her, sophisticated and stunningly pretty, dancing and having fun with friends of her generation. When I tried to understand, a few days later, how she had “rebounded”, her answer was: “My sweetest revenge will be to show this pig that he did not affect me, he did not destroy me, that I am prettier than ever and he’ll never access that beauty nor my soul”… I was moved!

She was 7 when her parents entrusted her to a remote aunt, having promised to take care of her and send her to school. In fact, she soon became the domestic of the family, a cheap, abused and unpaid labour. And to make things worse her uncle… After living 7 years of slavery and sexual abuse, she ran away and started a new life, away from all, in a large city. In a discussion, when asking where she had found such a courage and determination, she answered: “Didier, I simply choose not to be determined by my past. I resolutely look ahead and do not let the wounds of the past, poison my Present. I am who I always wanted to be and refuse to be a victim of circumstances…” I kept silent, in respect.

Three women, three stories, three destinies and one thing in common: Past traumas won’t define their hopes for a better Future. They are truly freeing themselves up, choosing to own and design their lives.

What is my intention when sharing these shocking stories with you? What do they have to bring to business leaders and the context you operate in?

Purposeful or Reactive?

What struck me in the attitude of my three friends was their calm and powerful determination not to position/see themselves “in reaction” or against a nightmare of the past, but to hang on to their dream, to their Deep Intent.

Neuroscientists (such as Damasio, Feldman Barrett and Rock) call this duality Intentional (we call it Purposeful) vs Reactive.

• Intentional/Purposeful people, display calm, lucidity, driven by a purpose. They take actions that are coherent with their values/Deep Intent. They see far ahead and live a feeling of intense inner freedom. They are creative rather than defensive.
• Reactive/anxious people project tension, vigilance and impulsion. They are known to be “quick on the rebound”, responding fast to emergencies, mails and outside pressure. They may produce good results but are not self-driven, lack a true freedom of choice as they do not freely act but constantly react. It is an exhausting place to be in, as it request our nervous system to permanently remain activated.
• Depleted/egocentric: since the previous state is very active but energy consuming, people may easily drift from reactive/anxious to depleted/egocentric: fatigue, demotivation, cynicism, self-protection. “Depleted people” have a tendency to shut themselves off (no more energy for others), lack clarity and drive and will, temporarily refuse their duty of leadership.

These are not permanent states that people are in: One is not constantly intentional, reactive nor depleted… I have (and will continue) travelled through those three states and am aware how impactful, useful and energetic I can be when I am Intentional and purpose-driven and acting.

Reactivity/Anxiety “kill”

I mentioned here, not so long ago, a strategy consultant, Adrian J. Slywotzky. In his book, “Value Migration: How to Think Several Moves Ahead of the Competition”, Slywotzky develops the thought that an organisation which relies too exclusively on its reactive capacity, will slowly but surely “burn the candle by both ends” and die. His point is that, keeping competitors reactive drives them to exhaustion and worse quality decision making.

Back in… 1996, Margaret J. Wheatley and Myron Kellner-Rogers, who I mentioned several times here as well, explained that “The sense-making capacity of an organization efforts begin with an intent, a belief that something more is possible now that this group is together. Organizing occurs around an identity-there is a “self” that gets organized. Once this identity is set in motion, it becomes the sense-making process of the organization. In deciding what to do, a system will refer back to its sense of self.”

So what?

These individual friends’ testimonials, as well as Slywotzky, Wheatley and Kellner-Rogers strategic reflections seem to suggest three recommendations, both for us as individuals as well as for the business leaders we are:

• Deep Intent & Purpose: the key message that emerges of the three testimonials shared here-above, suggests that those young women, sometimes children, prevailed and became recognised, dignified members of the communities they chose to live in because they decided to pursue their Deep Intent. Translated at the corporate level, your organisation will prevail if it has a clear Purpose in which all are engaged and feel they can contribute!
• Do not trade purposeful intentionality for anxious activity: too frequently, the high energy of reactivity, is confused with proactivity (purposefulness). It is a costly mistake. As a leader, we need to ensure that our people aren’t behaving like hamsters on a treadmill, that their energy is serene and purposeful, rather than elude ourselves by believing that all the noise, tension, anxiety of the reactive energy are good news.
• Do not become obsessed with the idea that you, your team or your organisation should constantly be purposeful. Just like the simplified Csikszentmihaly Flow model we often use (see my article), if it is good for an individual/team to be “in the -performance-zone”, remaining there for too long might bring us to burn-out. It is necessary to pass, from time to time by the Re-Creation zone. Consciously allow yourself some slack but be aware of where you, your team/organisation are and why that is.

In order to better anchor those messages, I enclose here below, a short 2 minutes clip from Antoine Leiris, a French journalist whose wife was assassinated in the Paris Terror attacks. See how he refuses to be placed in a state of reaction and how powerful and serene his Purposefulness makes him.